Earlier this month I attended a retreat for women with cancer at Silver Bay on Lake George. For those of you who know me well, you know this sounds like an unlikely journey for me to go on voluntarily. I had seen the brochure at the cancer center, but never picked it up. Then one chemo day the cancer center social worker, Karen, popped in my room and...well, I am not sure what happened, but by the time she left I had consented to go.
Silver Bay is a beautiful retreat. When I was a teenager I attended several church gatherings there. Two high points from those days: tipping a canoe with my friend Rama and having my youth group leader, Dennis, teach us a little about astronomy out on the point. My takeaway: who knows what is out there, but it is breathtaking.
I digress. Surprise!
The women's cancer retreat was very rewarding. The simple fact is, I know you care and you love me and would help in any way you can, but at the end of the day (most of) you are cancer-free and I am not. These women all had cancer. These women understood the chronic pain, the apprehension before each scan, the worry that 'is this weird breathing the cancer spreading or just some allergies?'
It was a relief to let the walls down for a while. To not have the pressure of being an 'inspiration' because I am willing to keep fighting this dreadful disease. To belly dance in a chair (not so pretty). To easily laugh with others about side effects that others may feel awkward even talking about.
I hate to admit it, but I am thankful Karen came into my room that day. Whatever voodoo she worked to get me to Silver Bay, I liked it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, September 27, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
Here I Am....Brought to You Like a Hurricane...
Ah Whitesnake lyrics....such a surprise they didn't make it over the long haul.
Speaking of long hauls I know it has once again been far too long since I have posted. I am on week 4 of a treatment schedule, so it should be my best week. Unfortunately, the hip pain continues to make uprightness painful and now I have some random thing going on with my feet that I need to call the office about. I should have done it today, but life is busy. Tomorrow...
I have had a great deal of down time which often means me, a heating pad, a variety of blankets, my Kindle and/or a remote control. Ask me about any trashy Bravo show. I can probably fill you in. I am not proud of that fact. :)
During my down time I have lots of time to think. Sometimes my mind wanders to the negative, but I really fight to keep it towards the positive. One of those positive things are the people who have been with us through this journey. I think of Meg who came up with Team SMAC and had one of her graphic designers take time to make "our" ninja. I think of my mother-in-law who has spent endless hours here with me. Often chasing children, but sometimes just talking to me helping to pass the down time. I think of my former neighbor Lisa who stops by and texts. And when we go out to dinner makes sure I eat (the hospital folks would be proud). I think of Ruth, one of my nurses, who has twin boys and simply by hearing her talk about her twins has helped me to better cope when hearing stories of all twins. I think of my mom who whips this house into order within seconds of arriving and continues to help us, even as she cares for my ailing father. I think of Brenda, Kevin, and Lori - all "alternative" therapists who have helped me through reiki, acupuncture, and massage (yes, I am allowed massages!).
I can go on and on: my father-in-law (he might require a whole post...), Kelli-girl, Ms. Ginny (aka the Cookie Lady), my neighbor Jane who is an amazing cook, my church family, my preschool family, my oncology family, Courtney - my late night texting buddy, Bethie - a dear college friend who reentered my life, my swimming friend Deb who arranged for an audio recording for my children, I could go on and on...and I think in another post I will tell you more about these wonderful people. But, the point is whenever I start to think of the crappy stuff...like my inability to wander the aisles of Target...I think of one of these people and my attitude changes completely.
My guess is you are one of the people I think of at some point. So, thank you. What you do for my spirit I am incapable of putting into words. I am just grateful that you are part of my life and have stuck with me (or joined me) for the past two years.
Speaking of long hauls I know it has once again been far too long since I have posted. I am on week 4 of a treatment schedule, so it should be my best week. Unfortunately, the hip pain continues to make uprightness painful and now I have some random thing going on with my feet that I need to call the office about. I should have done it today, but life is busy. Tomorrow...
I have had a great deal of down time which often means me, a heating pad, a variety of blankets, my Kindle and/or a remote control. Ask me about any trashy Bravo show. I can probably fill you in. I am not proud of that fact. :)
During my down time I have lots of time to think. Sometimes my mind wanders to the negative, but I really fight to keep it towards the positive. One of those positive things are the people who have been with us through this journey. I think of Meg who came up with Team SMAC and had one of her graphic designers take time to make "our" ninja. I think of my mother-in-law who has spent endless hours here with me. Often chasing children, but sometimes just talking to me helping to pass the down time. I think of my former neighbor Lisa who stops by and texts. And when we go out to dinner makes sure I eat (the hospital folks would be proud). I think of Ruth, one of my nurses, who has twin boys and simply by hearing her talk about her twins has helped me to better cope when hearing stories of all twins. I think of my mom who whips this house into order within seconds of arriving and continues to help us, even as she cares for my ailing father. I think of Brenda, Kevin, and Lori - all "alternative" therapists who have helped me through reiki, acupuncture, and massage (yes, I am allowed massages!).
I can go on and on: my father-in-law (he might require a whole post...), Kelli-girl, Ms. Ginny (aka the Cookie Lady), my neighbor Jane who is an amazing cook, my church family, my preschool family, my oncology family, Courtney - my late night texting buddy, Bethie - a dear college friend who reentered my life, my swimming friend Deb who arranged for an audio recording for my children, I could go on and on...and I think in another post I will tell you more about these wonderful people. But, the point is whenever I start to think of the crappy stuff...like my inability to wander the aisles of Target...I think of one of these people and my attitude changes completely.
My guess is you are one of the people I think of at some point. So, thank you. What you do for my spirit I am incapable of putting into words. I am just grateful that you are part of my life and have stuck with me (or joined me) for the past two years.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
URLs, CT scans, and a crazy 5 year old
Turns out I had the wrong URL for my Pampered Chef site in my last post. Here is the correct URL:
http://new.pamperedchef.com/pws/suzannemurphy
I also wanted to mention that I really love the Fundraiser program PC does. A percentage of sales from each party goes directly to your cause - whether it is a national cause, like the American Cancer Society, or a more personal cause, like a friend struggling with the cost of medical bills. I also donate a percentage of my earnings to the cause as a way to give back to the community that has been so giving to my family. If you are interested, contact me - this is my favorite type of party!
Medical news: last week I had a scan to check on the tumors in my torso. The tumors in my liver and abdomen are shrinking slightly while those in my lungs are growing slightly. I suppose we are at a 'stable' place for now. In a few weeks I am going to meet with a lung and chest surgeon about having a biopsy of the tumors in my lungs. The purpose is two-fold: determine if the lung tumors are related to the cervical cancer or the neuroendocrine cancer. The second purpose is to do a test called a chemotherapy assay. In this test a variety of chemotherapy agents are applied to the tumor to see which ones work best in the lab. Dr. S can then use this information to help him decide where to go from here.
Last weekend we went up to my in-laws' home on Lake George where my father-in-law surprised Rory with his very own fishing pole. And worms. Rory was all smiles. He was even more thrilled after catching over 20 sunnies off the dock. He'd put his pole in and almost instantly had a fish. His little brothers were equally excited by watching the fish in the bucket before we put them back in the water. It was great to see Rory have such fun with a new hobby!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
http://new.pamperedchef.com/pws/suzannemurphy
I also wanted to mention that I really love the Fundraiser program PC does. A percentage of sales from each party goes directly to your cause - whether it is a national cause, like the American Cancer Society, or a more personal cause, like a friend struggling with the cost of medical bills. I also donate a percentage of my earnings to the cause as a way to give back to the community that has been so giving to my family. If you are interested, contact me - this is my favorite type of party!
Medical news: last week I had a scan to check on the tumors in my torso. The tumors in my liver and abdomen are shrinking slightly while those in my lungs are growing slightly. I suppose we are at a 'stable' place for now. In a few weeks I am going to meet with a lung and chest surgeon about having a biopsy of the tumors in my lungs. The purpose is two-fold: determine if the lung tumors are related to the cervical cancer or the neuroendocrine cancer. The second purpose is to do a test called a chemotherapy assay. In this test a variety of chemotherapy agents are applied to the tumor to see which ones work best in the lab. Dr. S can then use this information to help him decide where to go from here.
Last weekend we went up to my in-laws' home on Lake George where my father-in-law surprised Rory with his very own fishing pole. And worms. Rory was all smiles. He was even more thrilled after catching over 20 sunnies off the dock. He'd put his pole in and almost instantly had a fish. His little brothers were equally excited by watching the fish in the bucket before we put them back in the water. It was great to see Rory have such fun with a new hobby!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Work
I miss working. I miss interacting with new people who are not doctors or nurses. I miss the challenge of doing something new.
I cannot go back to my old job. It is a deadline-driven job and I cannot guarantee I will feel well enough to meet my deadlines. Plus, chemo brain. For those who have not heard of chemo brain it is a term used to describe the forgetfulness and slower thought process of those on chemo. Again, not great for my former profession.
So I thought about what I could do, factoring in my hip pain, treatment schedule, and medications.
Turns out that list is fairly short. But then my friend Betsy came over to do a Pampered Chef party with me as the hostess. And it hit me...this would be a great job. Flexible hours, work when my treatment schedule allowed, and selling a great product that people can actually use in their homes!
I talked to Kelly and he agreed to sign up with me, that way if I am unexpectedly having a rough day, he can fill in for me. (I know...he should probably just do the cooking part of each show anyways!)
We would love to have some of you as our first hosts/hostesses! In September all stoneware (like the famous pizza stone) will be 20% off, so it is a great time to host a party. I also have some clever, useful, and affordable Christmas gift ideas for teachers, etc. You can be a host or hostess in many different ways:
1) Host a show where I come to your house (again, with wine!), you invite friends and family, and we make some yummy food. One friend feels her house is too small, so we are going to have her party at my house. Keep that in mind if you feel the same way! You will earn free and half price products for hosting. Kelly and I earned over $200 in free products when we hosted!
2) Host a catalog show. I will give you catalogs for you to give to your friends and family. They can then place orders online through my website or by contacting me. Easy breezy. And, you will also earn free and half price products for yourself!
3) If you would like some Pampered Chef products, but don't want to host a party, you can go to our website and place an order:
http://new.pamperedchef.com/pws/suzannemurphy
I'd love to hear from you - Pampered Chef sells awesome, reliable products that you will love to use. Thanks!
Email to reach us at: suzanne.murphy@gmail.com
I cannot go back to my old job. It is a deadline-driven job and I cannot guarantee I will feel well enough to meet my deadlines. Plus, chemo brain. For those who have not heard of chemo brain it is a term used to describe the forgetfulness and slower thought process of those on chemo. Again, not great for my former profession.
So I thought about what I could do, factoring in my hip pain, treatment schedule, and medications.
Turns out that list is fairly short. But then my friend Betsy came over to do a Pampered Chef party with me as the hostess. And it hit me...this would be a great job. Flexible hours, work when my treatment schedule allowed, and selling a great product that people can actually use in their homes!
I talked to Kelly and he agreed to sign up with me, that way if I am unexpectedly having a rough day, he can fill in for me. (I know...he should probably just do the cooking part of each show anyways!)
We would love to have some of you as our first hosts/hostesses! In September all stoneware (like the famous pizza stone) will be 20% off, so it is a great time to host a party. I also have some clever, useful, and affordable Christmas gift ideas for teachers, etc. You can be a host or hostess in many different ways:
1) Host a show where I come to your house (again, with wine!), you invite friends and family, and we make some yummy food. One friend feels her house is too small, so we are going to have her party at my house. Keep that in mind if you feel the same way! You will earn free and half price products for hosting. Kelly and I earned over $200 in free products when we hosted!
2) Host a catalog show. I will give you catalogs for you to give to your friends and family. They can then place orders online through my website or by contacting me. Easy breezy. And, you will also earn free and half price products for yourself!
3) If you would like some Pampered Chef products, but don't want to host a party, you can go to our website and place an order:
http://new.pamperedchef.com/pws/suzannemurphy
I'd love to hear from you - Pampered Chef sells awesome, reliable products that you will love to use. Thanks!
Email to reach us at: suzanne.murphy@gmail.com
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
I am running out of title ideas for basic updates.
I have returned from Michigan after a great mini-vacation with my mom. We were able to spend lots of time with family and my cousin's wedding was beautiful. My only comment is do not have my mom push you in a wheelchair. Thankfully I can't feel my toes so the bumps into various metal poles didn't hurt too much!
On Tuesday I had a pelvic MRI because Dr. S was concerned my severe hip pain could be caused by the cancer spreading. The MRI was brutal - I cannot be on my back comfortably and had to be on the hard table being still for about 45 minutes. I thought of my husband's cousin who had to have an MRI of her brain a few days after brain surgery while lying on her staples and thought...she had the fortitude to make it through, so can I. Thankfully, the MRI showed no signs of cancer in my bones or pelvic organs.
He changed my pain killer plan so now I am on a long term pain killer, use other meds for short term pain relief, and flexaril - a muscle relaxer - has been added to see if that helps. Last night I took my meds, fell asleep at 11 and woke up at 1. In the afternoon. I think I will space out my meds a bit more tonight!
Tomorrow my beloved grandfather-in-law, Pa, is having a pacemaker put it. I know this is a very safe surgery, but please keep him in your thoughts. He is a feisty 94 year old with lots of living still to do.
My dad is still in the hospital. He receives dialysis 3 days a week and that seems to help his mental clarity. Overall, his condition seems to be stable - not going backwards, but also not making much progress. I am hopeful once he is in a rehab facility that changes.
Kid story of the day:
Kyan and Rory go to camp at a place called the Dome. They love it there and come home exhausted from all the activities they do. One of Kyan's favorite sports is baseball - he must take after his great grandfather. The Dome has a batting cage. Kyan ended up spending about 3 hours in the cage and came home with a blistered hand. The next day I thought that would slow him down a little. No sir. Back in the cage again. I think his great grandfather Stokes would be proud.
On Tuesday I had a pelvic MRI because Dr. S was concerned my severe hip pain could be caused by the cancer spreading. The MRI was brutal - I cannot be on my back comfortably and had to be on the hard table being still for about 45 minutes. I thought of my husband's cousin who had to have an MRI of her brain a few days after brain surgery while lying on her staples and thought...she had the fortitude to make it through, so can I. Thankfully, the MRI showed no signs of cancer in my bones or pelvic organs.
He changed my pain killer plan so now I am on a long term pain killer, use other meds for short term pain relief, and flexaril - a muscle relaxer - has been added to see if that helps. Last night I took my meds, fell asleep at 11 and woke up at 1. In the afternoon. I think I will space out my meds a bit more tonight!
Tomorrow my beloved grandfather-in-law, Pa, is having a pacemaker put it. I know this is a very safe surgery, but please keep him in your thoughts. He is a feisty 94 year old with lots of living still to do.
My dad is still in the hospital. He receives dialysis 3 days a week and that seems to help his mental clarity. Overall, his condition seems to be stable - not going backwards, but also not making much progress. I am hopeful once he is in a rehab facility that changes.
Kid story of the day:
Kyan and Rory go to camp at a place called the Dome. They love it there and come home exhausted from all the activities they do. One of Kyan's favorite sports is baseball - he must take after his great grandfather. The Dome has a batting cage. Kyan ended up spending about 3 hours in the cage and came home with a blistered hand. The next day I thought that would slow him down a little. No sir. Back in the cage again. I think his great grandfather Stokes would be proud.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
July 31
So I have some Stalkers who send me emails when my blog has not been updated. Granted, these Stalkers often come bearing cookies so they aren't too dangerous, but just in case...I am posting!
Round 4 of chemo sucked. Extra hip pain, lots of stomach queasiness, severe shortness of breath, plus new things like headaches. I am coming out of it now, but that recovery week is becoming more and more dreaded.
On the bright side, have I mentioned my husband is awesome? He makes me a milkshake almost every night - something I can consume with calories - works his arse off every day, and then comes home to take care of both the kids AND me. Truly, for better or worse.
My dad is improving! He gets dialysis three times a week, and they still aren't sure what caused his severe downturn, but I am ever so thankful he is starting to heal. It will be a long road to recovery, and no one really knows how recovered he will be, but I am thankful he is on a healing path.
Thursday my mom and I are flying to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. I am so excited to see that side of my family and celebrate along with my cousin, who chose a brilliant day to get married as it as also our anniversary. We'll have to celebrate our 11(!) years together when I get home.
I have asked for a wheelchair in the airport and recently got a handicapped tag for my car (though I have yet to use it..those spots fill quickly!). The hip pain has become lifestyle changing and I need to talk to Dr. S more - whether he has some ideas or could direct me to a pain management doctor - I need to do something to change this. I can't even play ball with the boys for more than 5 minutes and the older two are at the point they know something is off with that. As always, I am honest with them but it tough for such young ones to understand.
Okay...two kid stories today...
Ky goes to camp all day and comes home exhausted. Last night we had some cousins over late and were all up...except Ky who curled up on the hardwood floor in front of the couch and fell asleep.
Crosby is a water daredevil. Last night my little 22 month old jumped off the diving board and swam to the ladder wearing only his bubble. No grown up help. I am not going to lie, I could barely watch!
Alright, we need a Rory story for balance. Rory loves Legos. He builds the sets, but then he often takes them apart and builds his own little creations. I love this about him. Love it. This is how Legos were meant to be used (in my humble opinion) and I love the enthusiasm he has when showing us his new creations.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Round 4 of chemo sucked. Extra hip pain, lots of stomach queasiness, severe shortness of breath, plus new things like headaches. I am coming out of it now, but that recovery week is becoming more and more dreaded.
On the bright side, have I mentioned my husband is awesome? He makes me a milkshake almost every night - something I can consume with calories - works his arse off every day, and then comes home to take care of both the kids AND me. Truly, for better or worse.
My dad is improving! He gets dialysis three times a week, and they still aren't sure what caused his severe downturn, but I am ever so thankful he is starting to heal. It will be a long road to recovery, and no one really knows how recovered he will be, but I am thankful he is on a healing path.
Thursday my mom and I are flying to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. I am so excited to see that side of my family and celebrate along with my cousin, who chose a brilliant day to get married as it as also our anniversary. We'll have to celebrate our 11(!) years together when I get home.
I have asked for a wheelchair in the airport and recently got a handicapped tag for my car (though I have yet to use it..those spots fill quickly!). The hip pain has become lifestyle changing and I need to talk to Dr. S more - whether he has some ideas or could direct me to a pain management doctor - I need to do something to change this. I can't even play ball with the boys for more than 5 minutes and the older two are at the point they know something is off with that. As always, I am honest with them but it tough for such young ones to understand.
Okay...two kid stories today...
Ky goes to camp all day and comes home exhausted. Last night we had some cousins over late and were all up...except Ky who curled up on the hardwood floor in front of the couch and fell asleep.
Crosby is a water daredevil. Last night my little 22 month old jumped off the diving board and swam to the ladder wearing only his bubble. No grown up help. I am not going to lie, I could barely watch!
Alright, we need a Rory story for balance. Rory loves Legos. He builds the sets, but then he often takes them apart and builds his own little creations. I love this about him. Love it. This is how Legos were meant to be used (in my humble opinion) and I love the enthusiasm he has when showing us his new creations.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Here I Am
Here I am.
I feel like I should start all my recent posts that way!
As you can imagine from no recent posts, my recovery period this time was pretty tough. A solid week of exhaustion - a lot of time in bed - it pretty much sucked. Midweek Kelly brought a chair to our bedroom which was great. Even though I was tired, at least I was sitting up. Too much time in bed makes one feel worse, I think.
My one complaint is shortness of breath upon basic activities, like walking. No one really knows why it is happening, it is just one of my joyous side effects. It may be the tumors on my lungs, but that is unlikely because even though they are 'innumerable,' they are small. I have learned to walk slowly, take breaks, and hope for someplace to sit at the top of a flight of stairs! In a few weeks I am flying to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. I think I am going to need to get to the airport bright and early to have time to get to my plane!
My dad is slowly improving. I finally got to see him yesterday, which was good for my soul as I had not seen him. He was a little confused when my mom and I arrived, but was much better by the time we left. They are working to get him into a rehab facility close to home. I hope that happens because it would be easier to visit him and he would have some stability in terms of the staff, etc.
Today's kid story is about Crosby. On Saturday we were all out by the pool and Kelly jumped off the diving board. Crosby saw him go, and went running for the board. He climbed up and went right to the end of the board...and then (thankfully) decided that was a little to high and climbed down. Until the last moment we thought he was going to go...nothing like letting the 1 year old try anything!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I feel like I should start all my recent posts that way!
As you can imagine from no recent posts, my recovery period this time was pretty tough. A solid week of exhaustion - a lot of time in bed - it pretty much sucked. Midweek Kelly brought a chair to our bedroom which was great. Even though I was tired, at least I was sitting up. Too much time in bed makes one feel worse, I think.
My one complaint is shortness of breath upon basic activities, like walking. No one really knows why it is happening, it is just one of my joyous side effects. It may be the tumors on my lungs, but that is unlikely because even though they are 'innumerable,' they are small. I have learned to walk slowly, take breaks, and hope for someplace to sit at the top of a flight of stairs! In a few weeks I am flying to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. I think I am going to need to get to the airport bright and early to have time to get to my plane!
My dad is slowly improving. I finally got to see him yesterday, which was good for my soul as I had not seen him. He was a little confused when my mom and I arrived, but was much better by the time we left. They are working to get him into a rehab facility close to home. I hope that happens because it would be easier to visit him and he would have some stability in terms of the staff, etc.
Today's kid story is about Crosby. On Saturday we were all out by the pool and Kelly jumped off the diving board. Crosby saw him go, and went running for the board. He climbed up and went right to the end of the board...and then (thankfully) decided that was a little to high and climbed down. Until the last moment we thought he was going to go...nothing like letting the 1 year old try anything!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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