On Being a Penguin

Today was the Adirondack Half Marathon (13.1 miles). Turns out that jogging while Rory and Kyan rode their bikes around the block was not the best training plan I could have used, but at the end of the day I crossed the finish line!

There was large Team SMAC contingent today. Here is a picture of a bunch of us:

These awesome folks are top row: Larry, me, Liz, Karen, Kate, Shawn; middle row: my Kelly, Amy; bottom row: Heather, Beth, Kelly, and Andrew. Our friend Pat is missing from the photo. Also missing were the two full marathon Team SMAC members ~ Jill and Kevin.

I made the decision to walk since I had not trained and my Kelly and Amy walked with me.  Our first few miles flew by ~ chatting, checking out the beautiful scenery, saying hi to the folks cheering us along the path, being dumbfounded as the full marathon leader flew by us.

We walked through the Word of Life campus, which is a religious camp, and all the kids were out there cheering us on, hollering that we were almost there. Mind you, this was around miles 4-5, so we had quite a trip still ahead of us. But, there was fantastic energy there that helped add a little spring into our step.

Around mile 7 we ran into a woman who had a butterfly resting on her jacket. I pointed it out to her and she said it had been with her for several miles. When Cora passed away a friend told me a story of butterflies being signs from heaven. I couldn't help but think of that today. It is the 23rd and the emotion of losing Cora eleven months ago was weighing heavily on me. Kelly and I saw that butterfly and it helped lift the sadness.

By mile 8, I was starting to get tired when Kelly and I heard the voices of our friends Kevin and Jill (the full marathoners!). They slowed for a few moments to say hi and then continued their awesome run. Around mile 10 I looked up and saw three people walking towards us in Team SMAC shirts. It was my brother, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. They finished their races, then walked back to walk the rest of the way in with us. It was a great diversion. I think Amy, Kelly, and I were all getting a little tired (we'd been walking for about 3 hours), and even though I told them they were totally obnoxious for coming back, it was nice to have their conversation for the last leg of the trip.

Now...about the penguin. Karen told me that in the Marine Corps marathon the last-place finisher gets a prize of a penguin for the accomplishment of completing. I had a pretty good idea that our trio was at the end of the half marathon group, so I insisted Amy and Kelly walk over the finish mat first, which means I came in last place. The penguin. Another year, I would probably be embarrassed by such a showing. This year, I couldn't be happier. I finished. My friends finished (with amazing times, I might add). Tons of runners asked about Team SMAC when they saw our shirts. Spectators cheered for Team SMAC. For a million reasons I wish Team SMAC never had to exist, but I am always proud to be a member.

I must now be off to attempt to climb the stairs to bed. Or curl up on the landing and sleep there. We'll see how it goes.

Healing

Today marks three weeks from my last radiation treatment. The past five days or so I have felt a marked upswing in my energy level. It is not at 100% yet, but I am also not taking to my bed each afternoon for an hour or more. I also have noted that mentally I am feeling better. I knew that the challenge of the internal radiation treatments was wearing me down, I just don't think I realized quite how down I had become.

Monday I was feeling pretty zippy, so I put on my sneakers and went out for an hour. That felt okay so I decided to go to swim practice for the first time since July. The first 200 yards felt pretty sluggish, but then I started to feel better. Until there was a set of swimming 100 yards (for my non-swimming friends, that is up-back-up-back) and then getting out for push ups. And repeat. That did me in. I hopped out of the pool after half the practice, but was glad to have done a little distance.

During the day I am feeling more like I am getting back into the swing of things with the kids. Case in point: on Tuesday I was working on making lunch for all three kids. My mom was over and had gone up to get Crosby from his nap. While she getting him, I assembled the majority of all three lunches. When she came into the kitchen she went to start all three lunches, not even thinking that I would have done it since I have been zombie-woman of late. We had a pretty good laugh when we realized it was impressive I could make a grilled cheese sandwich. It is little stuff, like making lunches, that is nice to get back into again.

Last Saturday evening some of our dear friends stopped over to introduce us to their two month old son. As we sat and chatted there were several instances where I referenced "the twins" and it felt like a natural part of conversation. No tears (though now I am teary), simply sharing newborn stories with our friends. I can also make it through the little girls' clothing department without a near breakdown. I consider these small signs of healing. Though we are also in the fall, with what would have been her first birthday and what will be the first hell-aversary right around the corner. I feel although I have made these tiny steps of healing, I may take a huge step back.

Stable!

I think the powers that be really wanted me to find out today that the tumors in my liver are stable since I was told via email, in person, and in a letter.

Stable! Yippee!

What does that mean?
It means it is very likely that the tumors in my liver are low-grade tumors called carcinoid tumors. In terms of treatment, I will receive a shot once a month to control the side effects (which are mild) and about every 3 months I will get a scan of some sort (MRI or PET) to see if the tumors are continuing to stay stable.

My first question was: Isn't there something more aggressive we can do now while the tumors are behaving to keep them from misbehaving later? Dr. S had a highly persuasive argument against aggressive action, and honestly, after the summer of radiation I am more than willing to enjoy a little break, let my body recover, and then go from there.

I also saw one of my surgeons today, Dr. McElrath. He removed my stitches from the internal radiation "incident." It is nice to have the discomfort from the stitches gone. I will go back and see both him and Duncan in a few weeks and at that point we'll see how things stand with the cervical cancer side of things.

Dr. McElrath also cleared me to run and swim again. The half marathon is in 9 days...this could be ugly. Do you think anyone will notice if I use those "Wheelie" shoes that were so popular a few years back?

Throwing Down the Gauntlet

About a week or so ago I got an email about the Adirondack Half Marathon and thought: "I should just train like I was going to run that." Then I was talking to my friend Amy via FB about it yesterday and somewhere along the way she asked me if I was serious about actually doing it and I said yes. WHAT?! I did, it is in writing. I looked at it a few moments ago just to confirm it wasn't some chemo-steroid induced dream, but I really did. She already registered!

Tonight I thought: "I should probably start running if I am going to run 13.1 miles in September," because you all might remember my earlier post about my last attempt to do such a thing. (For those who missed that one, it wasn't pretty.) I found and tossed on my running gear, grabbed my iPod, and headed out for the first time in well over a year for a run. I opted not to wear my watch. I am going to go timer-free this time, which if tonight is any indication, will make me twitch a great deal. Anyhow, let's just say I made it for the full distance I wanted to go, but I have quite a way to go before September.

But, then there is this other event. An open water swimming event in August that I had decided I was going to try to do, no matter what. It is a cable swim in Mirror Lake in Lake Placid, NY. There is a 2-mile version I completed two years ago and also 1-mile version. I planned to do the 1-mile version this year (I am a little practical) and emailed my coach a question about it last night. The next thing I knew a certain individual with the initials DDD emailed me to inform me I was registered. That will teach me to ask questions, won't it?

In one day I managed to sign up for both a 1-mile open water swim and a 13.1 mile run. I think chemotherapy makes me nuts.

If you care to join me (and some other great folks) on either endeavor, here are the links to register. And don't let me hold you back ~ try the 2 mile cable swim or the full marathon!

Betsy Owens Memorial Lake Swims:
https://www.clubassistant.com/club/meet_information.cfm?c=1538&smid=3960

Adirondack Marathon Distance Festival:
http://www.adirondackmarathon.org/