Earlier this month I attended a retreat for women with cancer at Silver Bay on Lake George. For those of you who know me well, you know this sounds like an unlikely journey for me to go on voluntarily. I had seen the brochure at the cancer center, but never picked it up. Then one chemo day the cancer center social worker, Karen, popped in my room and...well, I am not sure what happened, but by the time she left I had consented to go.
Silver Bay is a beautiful retreat. When I was a teenager I attended several church gatherings there. Two high points from those days: tipping a canoe with my friend Rama and having my youth group leader, Dennis, teach us a little about astronomy out on the point. My takeaway: who knows what is out there, but it is breathtaking.
I digress. Surprise!
The women's cancer retreat was very rewarding. The simple fact is, I know you care and you love me and would help in any way you can, but at the end of the day (most of) you are cancer-free and I am not. These women all had cancer. These women understood the chronic pain, the apprehension before each scan, the worry that 'is this weird breathing the cancer spreading or just some allergies?'
It was a relief to let the walls down for a while. To not have the pressure of being an 'inspiration' because I am willing to keep fighting this dreadful disease. To belly dance in a chair (not so pretty). To easily laugh with others about side effects that others may feel awkward even talking about.
I hate to admit it, but I am thankful Karen came into my room that day. Whatever voodoo she worked to get me to Silver Bay, I liked it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, September 27, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
Here I Am....Brought to You Like a Hurricane...
Ah Whitesnake lyrics....such a surprise they didn't make it over the long haul.
Speaking of long hauls I know it has once again been far too long since I have posted. I am on week 4 of a treatment schedule, so it should be my best week. Unfortunately, the hip pain continues to make uprightness painful and now I have some random thing going on with my feet that I need to call the office about. I should have done it today, but life is busy. Tomorrow...
I have had a great deal of down time which often means me, a heating pad, a variety of blankets, my Kindle and/or a remote control. Ask me about any trashy Bravo show. I can probably fill you in. I am not proud of that fact. :)
During my down time I have lots of time to think. Sometimes my mind wanders to the negative, but I really fight to keep it towards the positive. One of those positive things are the people who have been with us through this journey. I think of Meg who came up with Team SMAC and had one of her graphic designers take time to make "our" ninja. I think of my mother-in-law who has spent endless hours here with me. Often chasing children, but sometimes just talking to me helping to pass the down time. I think of my former neighbor Lisa who stops by and texts. And when we go out to dinner makes sure I eat (the hospital folks would be proud). I think of Ruth, one of my nurses, who has twin boys and simply by hearing her talk about her twins has helped me to better cope when hearing stories of all twins. I think of my mom who whips this house into order within seconds of arriving and continues to help us, even as she cares for my ailing father. I think of Brenda, Kevin, and Lori - all "alternative" therapists who have helped me through reiki, acupuncture, and massage (yes, I am allowed massages!).
I can go on and on: my father-in-law (he might require a whole post...), Kelli-girl, Ms. Ginny (aka the Cookie Lady), my neighbor Jane who is an amazing cook, my church family, my preschool family, my oncology family, Courtney - my late night texting buddy, Bethie - a dear college friend who reentered my life, my swimming friend Deb who arranged for an audio recording for my children, I could go on and on...and I think in another post I will tell you more about these wonderful people. But, the point is whenever I start to think of the crappy stuff...like my inability to wander the aisles of Target...I think of one of these people and my attitude changes completely.
My guess is you are one of the people I think of at some point. So, thank you. What you do for my spirit I am incapable of putting into words. I am just grateful that you are part of my life and have stuck with me (or joined me) for the past two years.
Speaking of long hauls I know it has once again been far too long since I have posted. I am on week 4 of a treatment schedule, so it should be my best week. Unfortunately, the hip pain continues to make uprightness painful and now I have some random thing going on with my feet that I need to call the office about. I should have done it today, but life is busy. Tomorrow...
I have had a great deal of down time which often means me, a heating pad, a variety of blankets, my Kindle and/or a remote control. Ask me about any trashy Bravo show. I can probably fill you in. I am not proud of that fact. :)
During my down time I have lots of time to think. Sometimes my mind wanders to the negative, but I really fight to keep it towards the positive. One of those positive things are the people who have been with us through this journey. I think of Meg who came up with Team SMAC and had one of her graphic designers take time to make "our" ninja. I think of my mother-in-law who has spent endless hours here with me. Often chasing children, but sometimes just talking to me helping to pass the down time. I think of my former neighbor Lisa who stops by and texts. And when we go out to dinner makes sure I eat (the hospital folks would be proud). I think of Ruth, one of my nurses, who has twin boys and simply by hearing her talk about her twins has helped me to better cope when hearing stories of all twins. I think of my mom who whips this house into order within seconds of arriving and continues to help us, even as she cares for my ailing father. I think of Brenda, Kevin, and Lori - all "alternative" therapists who have helped me through reiki, acupuncture, and massage (yes, I am allowed massages!).
I can go on and on: my father-in-law (he might require a whole post...), Kelli-girl, Ms. Ginny (aka the Cookie Lady), my neighbor Jane who is an amazing cook, my church family, my preschool family, my oncology family, Courtney - my late night texting buddy, Bethie - a dear college friend who reentered my life, my swimming friend Deb who arranged for an audio recording for my children, I could go on and on...and I think in another post I will tell you more about these wonderful people. But, the point is whenever I start to think of the crappy stuff...like my inability to wander the aisles of Target...I think of one of these people and my attitude changes completely.
My guess is you are one of the people I think of at some point. So, thank you. What you do for my spirit I am incapable of putting into words. I am just grateful that you are part of my life and have stuck with me (or joined me) for the past two years.
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