Thursday was a bust.
I went in for treatment, was put under and then woke up in excruciating pain once again. They had to pull the device within minutes, so no treatment. This time they did not give me the drug to make the memory hazy, which is good since I could clearly describe the pain to Duncan. Previously I used the word "pinching" to describe the pain, which upon reflection does sound very superficial and like I am the world's biggest wimp. The description I gave him this time was like an animal paw trap ~ relentless in its pain and equally so when I tried to move or they tried to move me. That helped him with some perspective, I think.
The memory is not so good because I (a) shit, that hurt and (b) I was begging them to help me - over and over. I think I may actually need to pay for physical therapy for Marlene and Brooke, two of the amazing techs, because I squeezed their hands so hard for so long.
My next treatment will be sometime...soon. Duncan is working with one of the gyn surgical oncologists down at St. Peter's to schedule my last three treatments. Time is a factor since the ideal is to keep hitting the cancer cells with radiation before they have a chance to rebuild. My last successful treatment was on Monday, so Duncan is hoping for Tuesday or Wednesday, but it all depends on all the schedules meshing.
A lot of folks have emailed or messaged asking me why I cannot simply receive general anesthesia for this procedure. The procedure start to finish lasts about 4 hours. For about 10 minutes of that time I am isolated while receiving the radiation treatment and I cannot be unattended and under general anesthesia. These doctors and their details...
[Though I get the image of a doctor in the room with me in one of those big, white suits you see in movies. That would be exciting. And freaky.]
We are pressing on around here. Crosby is cutting about 5 teeth and has this funny little crawl that is amazingly fast. Kyan is in the midst of potty training and thinks he has many more important things to do than actually use the potty, which is making the process very...damp. Rory has suddenly become this bigger, much more independent boy, but thankfully still is willing to snuggle at night.
Kelly constantly burns the candle at both ends and refuses to listen to me about going to bed. I am hanging in there ~ the side effects of radiation are much worse than the side effects of chemo for me, but I am hopeful that once I finally wrap up radiation, I will start to feel better again.
4 comments:
It goes without saying... but I shall say it anyways, we are thinking of you.
Wait. When did you grow paws...?
I wish I could absorb done of the pain for you.
But it's nice to read about your boys. :) mine is a teenager & doesn't hug anymore unless I make him. I miss those days when he couldn't bear to not have some part touching me when sitting on the sofa. Sometimes it was just a toe. I wish I'd taken more time appreciating it, so I like reading how you are with your kids :)
Those boys are getting SO BIG! It's like they drank Miracle Grow all summer long....they are taller and older every time I see them.
I am so thankful this radiation will soon be behind you and pray the next round of treatments is infinitely easier.
You are a warrior. XOXOXO
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