The past week has been a rough one. After last Wednesday, I continued to have some pretty serious discomfort - discomfort that led to me having another surgery yesterday to remove the radiation sleeve. The discomfort also led me to use, for the first time since I have been diagnosed, some (to me) strong pain meds. I am not a fan of pain meds. Perhaps I should say, I am not a fan of how pain meds make my head feel cloudy. I am a fan of how they diminish the pain.
As a consequence of feeling crappy both physically and mentally, I didn't really have the weekend I had planned. I missed out on several things I wanted to do, plus I wanted to spend more time with my kids, since three days last week I was at all-day medical stuff.
So I was wallowing about fucking cancer and treatment and how I couldn't keep up with my life. Until last week, every "side effect" was expected - I knew I would lose a day or two after my big chemo treatments, I knew radiation would cause fatigue, I did not expect to be knocked on my ass by what was intended to be a routine part of treatment.
And then I thought about my weekend. On Friday night I still got to go out with my girlfriends-I just got a ride and drank water, but I still got to catch up with them. Then Saturday I was able to go to the start and finish of the Brad Moynihan Golf Tournament-where I met some great folks, ran into friends and family members, and the older boys had a grand time checking out the golf carts and catching golf balls tourney players gave them. Sunday was the annual Master's swim around Clay Island, where my in-laws have a home. I wasn't up to the swim, but we had a great group come up and it was a perfect afternoon to hang out on the lake.
I really needed to remember that even though things don't always go as planned, there is still ample good to be found.
4 comments:
I'm so glad that you're still able to find the good. BTW - based on your track record, I'm not surprised at your ability to do so :-)
You truley amaze me! I am so lucky to have such an AWESOME neighbor and friend!
Ever since your craptacular diagnosis, I have found myself doing the same thing. After a cruddy day/event, when I'm feeling upset or annoyed and wallowing - I take a minute and find the good. The small victories. The smiles. We've even added this to our prayers at home: "Please help us to always count our blessings instead of our troubles." (easier said than done somedays, I know!)
You've given me a lot of gifts over the years, my friend, but this one may well be my favorite. Thank you.
Though please give yourself time/permission to wallow and curse effing cancer all you like - let it out. It's healthy! Let me know if you'd like company. I have some choice words to unleash, too!
XOXO
I hope you are feeling better. Hope you have a better tomorrow, thinking of you and praying for treatment to be easier on your mind, body and spirit <3
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