In the pasta aisle at Hannaford there is a whole section of foods that are the Cora Brand. The label coloring is loud and has a picture of a young girl on the label.
I watch Downton Abbey and Once Upon a Time, two shows which have characters named Cora in them.
Kelly and I went to see the movie Argo tonight at the local dinner and a movie place. We were settled in, eating our dinner, and then it happened. One of the hostages was named Cora. Her name was said several times in the movie and also had a scene where her name was in writing.
I try to think of her name in these places as a reminder, a sign, a butterfly, but it guts me, hearing and seeing her name.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
How are you feeling?
I have all of these ideas in my mind, but my brain doesn't work quite like it used to (more on that later), so I have been using avoidance. Why write if I can't get exactly what I want out? But if I don't write, my sentence structure will be even more of a disaster. So I will write about something simple and go from there.
[Speaking of sentence structure, Michael Chabon's new book has a sentence that runs about 3 pages, contains several thousand words, and is grammatically correct. Show off.]
Now that I am out and about again many people ask me how I am feeling. I go for the easy-out answer and answer that I am feeling pretty good, tired at the end of the day but that I am not sure if that is having three small boys or recovery.
The truth is I do feel pretty good, but I am not where I want to be. I am in physical therapy to help with the neuropathy (numbness in my fingers, toes, and soles of my feet which is a side effect from chemotherapy). I started by re-learning how to balance on one foot ~ a bit of a challenge when you cannot really feel if your foot is grounded. I am now working on some simple yoga-style balance postures. Here is what is fantastic about this whole thing: My fingertips are numb, so when I am in a balance posture and start to wobble, the natural thing is to touch my fingertips to the wall, but that doesn't register as well as it should. I figure that sooner or later, I am going to take a header. Try not to judge me too harshly when you see me with a big bruise on my forehead.
My strength and stamina are both at about fifty percent. I can make it through a swim practice, but my speed is not where it used to be. I have also started spin class again. I go, I muddle through, I am thankful for my padded seat cushion (because, as I learned after my first attempt to return to spin, still healing).
In terms of day-to-day life ~ chasing the kids, running errands, making meals, laundry, etc. ~ that feels normal again. The boys' nanny has decided to go to work for another family and I was concerned that I would be exhausted without her help, but it has been fun. It feels great to be able to truly re-engage in life again. Rather than just being a presence in the house (an exhausted, stressed, ball of nerves presence), I am back to being part of our family.
[Speaking of sentence structure, Michael Chabon's new book has a sentence that runs about 3 pages, contains several thousand words, and is grammatically correct. Show off.]
Now that I am out and about again many people ask me how I am feeling. I go for the easy-out answer and answer that I am feeling pretty good, tired at the end of the day but that I am not sure if that is having three small boys or recovery.
The truth is I do feel pretty good, but I am not where I want to be. I am in physical therapy to help with the neuropathy (numbness in my fingers, toes, and soles of my feet which is a side effect from chemotherapy). I started by re-learning how to balance on one foot ~ a bit of a challenge when you cannot really feel if your foot is grounded. I am now working on some simple yoga-style balance postures. Here is what is fantastic about this whole thing: My fingertips are numb, so when I am in a balance posture and start to wobble, the natural thing is to touch my fingertips to the wall, but that doesn't register as well as it should. I figure that sooner or later, I am going to take a header. Try not to judge me too harshly when you see me with a big bruise on my forehead.
My strength and stamina are both at about fifty percent. I can make it through a swim practice, but my speed is not where it used to be. I have also started spin class again. I go, I muddle through, I am thankful for my padded seat cushion (because, as I learned after my first attempt to return to spin, still healing).
In terms of day-to-day life ~ chasing the kids, running errands, making meals, laundry, etc. ~ that feels normal again. The boys' nanny has decided to go to work for another family and I was concerned that I would be exhausted without her help, but it has been fun. It feels great to be able to truly re-engage in life again. Rather than just being a presence in the house (an exhausted, stressed, ball of nerves presence), I am back to being part of our family.
Monday, November 12, 2012
This and That
Several people emailed praising the service for Cora and the comfort it brought to them. It brought the same to us, which is why I wanted to share it. In my post, I did not give any credit to our minister, John Barclay, who put the service together for us based on our nods and murmurs to his suggestions.
Also, someone commented on the post about Cora's service. I know it was a woman who is a pastor, but then as I was reading the comment on my phone, I hit delete with my thumb. I just wanted to let her know I didn't delete the comment intentionally and also to let her know if she wants she can email me at suzanne.murphy@gmail.com.
Thank you to everyone who has sent messages or seen me in person since I received the biopsy results. I keep saying that your positive energy and prayers helped get me to this point!
I have noticed a little confusion about my status, so hopefully this will clear it up:
The biopsies showed no sign of the cervical cancer. I will now be followed about every 3 months by the radiation oncologists at Glens Falls Hospital.
The tumors in my liver are still there, and most likely will be there for the rest of my life. In December, I will get a PET scan to determine if they are staying stable. If they are, then I will carry on with my monthly shot. If they are not, well...they are going to be stable so we aren't even going to go there.
Finally, a favor.
I have a wonderful neighbor named Lisa, aka "State Farm." She has been a great friend, neighbor (like a good neighbor, State Farm is there), and Bunco girl. Last week, her dear sister Patricia lost her battle with ovarian cancer. I would ask that all that positive energy you have given to me, you share with Lisa and her family, as they say goodbye to Patricia.
Also, someone commented on the post about Cora's service. I know it was a woman who is a pastor, but then as I was reading the comment on my phone, I hit delete with my thumb. I just wanted to let her know I didn't delete the comment intentionally and also to let her know if she wants she can email me at suzanne.murphy@gmail.com.
Thank you to everyone who has sent messages or seen me in person since I received the biopsy results. I keep saying that your positive energy and prayers helped get me to this point!
I have noticed a little confusion about my status, so hopefully this will clear it up:
The biopsies showed no sign of the cervical cancer. I will now be followed about every 3 months by the radiation oncologists at Glens Falls Hospital.
The tumors in my liver are still there, and most likely will be there for the rest of my life. In December, I will get a PET scan to determine if they are staying stable. If they are, then I will carry on with my monthly shot. If they are not, well...they are going to be stable so we aren't even going to go there.
Finally, a favor.
I have a wonderful neighbor named Lisa, aka "State Farm." She has been a great friend, neighbor (like a good neighbor, State Farm is there), and Bunco girl. Last week, her dear sister Patricia lost her battle with ovarian cancer. I would ask that all that positive energy you have given to me, you share with Lisa and her family, as they say goodbye to Patricia.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Making It Through
A huge thank you to everyone who helped us through the helliversary. The cards, messages, and calls were all welcomed, and filled with stories of how you remembered Cora. One of the things that caught me very off guard was a Facebook post started by one of the nurses who took care of Cora when she was born, and then many of the other nurses who took care of her commented on how they remembered caring for her. It was lovely to read how she was rocked and cuddled by these amazing women when I was not there.
Over the past year, many people have reached out to help us in ways we didn't even think we needed. One of these people is a woman from my church. I didn't know her well, but this summer my mother brought me a box with a gift from her. I opened the box and in it was a beautiful handmade pillow with Cora Lily's name on it. My mother told me that several years ago this woman lost her daughter and a friend of hers had given her a similar pillow. Over the years her pillow became worn. I thought the pillow was lovely, but it wasn't until a few days later that I understood how her pillow became so worn.
Last Sunday was All Saints Sunday, which is a day to remember those who have passed into Heaven. After the service the woman looked at me with a smile and said: "We'll see our girls again."
It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Over the past year, many people have reached out to help us in ways we didn't even think we needed. One of these people is a woman from my church. I didn't know her well, but this summer my mother brought me a box with a gift from her. I opened the box and in it was a beautiful handmade pillow with Cora Lily's name on it. My mother told me that several years ago this woman lost her daughter and a friend of hers had given her a similar pillow. Over the years her pillow became worn. I thought the pillow was lovely, but it wasn't until a few days later that I understood how her pillow became so worn.
Last Sunday was All Saints Sunday, which is a day to remember those who have passed into Heaven. After the service the woman looked at me with a smile and said: "We'll see our girls again."
It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Biopsy Results
Short on time, but big on news ~ so enjoy the extra typos.
My cervical biopsy results came back yesterday...all were negative. Yippee! This is excellent news.
This means it does appear that the chemo/radiation combo was effective in treating the cervical cancer and that a hysterectomy is off the table because it is not necessary.
HURRAH!!!!
My next "big" thing is another PET scan sometime in December. That will be used to assess the tumors in my liver (ideally remaining stable) and also check to see if there is anything of note in the pelvic area (hopefully not).
My cervical biopsy results came back yesterday...all were negative. Yippee! This is excellent news.
This means it does appear that the chemo/radiation combo was effective in treating the cervical cancer and that a hysterectomy is off the table because it is not necessary.
HURRAH!!!!
My next "big" thing is another PET scan sometime in December. That will be used to assess the tumors in my liver (ideally remaining stable) and also check to see if there is anything of note in the pelvic area (hopefully not).
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