I have all of these ideas in my mind, but my brain doesn't work quite like it used to (more on that later), so I have been using avoidance. Why write if I can't get exactly what I want out? But if I don't write, my sentence structure will be even more of a disaster. So I will write about something simple and go from there.
[Speaking of sentence structure, Michael Chabon's new book has a sentence that runs about 3 pages, contains several thousand words, and is grammatically correct. Show off.]
Now that I am out and about again many people ask me how I am feeling. I go for the easy-out answer and answer that I am feeling pretty good, tired at the end of the day but that I am not sure if that is having three small boys or recovery.
The truth is I do feel pretty good, but I am not where I want to be. I am in physical therapy to help with the neuropathy (numbness in my fingers, toes, and soles of my feet which is a side effect from chemotherapy). I started by re-learning how to balance on one foot ~ a bit of a challenge when you cannot really feel if your foot is grounded. I am now working on some simple yoga-style balance postures. Here is what is fantastic about this whole thing: My fingertips are numb, so when I am in a balance posture and start to wobble, the natural thing is to touch my fingertips to the wall, but that doesn't register as well as it should. I figure that sooner or later, I am going to take a header. Try not to judge me too harshly when you see me with a big bruise on my forehead.
My strength and stamina are both at about fifty percent. I can make it through a swim practice, but my speed is not where it used to be. I have also started spin class again. I go, I muddle through, I am thankful for my padded seat cushion (because, as I learned after my first attempt to return to spin, still healing).
In terms of day-to-day life ~ chasing the kids, running errands, making meals, laundry, etc. ~ that feels normal again. The boys' nanny has decided to go to work for another family and I was concerned that I would be exhausted without her help, but it has been fun. It feels great to be able to truly re-engage in life again. Rather than just being a presence in the house (an exhausted, stressed, ball of nerves presence), I am back to being part of our family.
3 comments:
Wow, I had no idea those things were happening. I have little no no understanding of the effects chemo can have on a body - and I hope I never do. While I never want you to suffer, struggle, or take a header - and I'll definitely laugh if I see you with a bruise on your forehead - you're here, you're raising your boys, enjoying life with your hubby, and blessing us all with your friendship. For that, I am truly thankful.
Slow and wobbly? I'll take it!!
So glad that things are getting back to normal (including poops in the tub!) Even if you are only at 50%, slow and steady wins the race! And with never having chemo I have no grace and still suffer when I spin. Talk about going after it! Spinning!?!?! Good for you, that is tough no matter what! You really are Wonderwoman! No worries... I wont tell your secret!
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