Have you seen those medical scenes from a patient's perspective that flash on some small part of what is happening, then the screen goes black, then there is another flash of activity? That was my morning.
I went to have my internal radiation today, the first part which is done in day surgery to insert the "device" needed for the treatment. I knew it would be uncomfortable, but my doctor and nurse talked me through the process and I felt confident going in that a little discomfort was worth the expected outcome.
Fast forward to me in the recovery room. I remember very little other than writhing in pain. I cannot even tell you exactly the pain I was in - I know I was crying and I know that the anesthesiologists and nurses were trying to keep me calm and get my pain under control. I remember hearing bits and pieces of conversations and I know that when the decision was made to remove the device I bit down on my blanket so I wouldn't scream.
I have no idea how difficult I was to deal with during this ordeal. I imagine very, which mortifies me. Isn't that ridiculous? I sit here tonight concerned about how my treatment will move forward from this, but equally concerned that I was the crazed loon in recovery bay 7.
5 comments:
I get that blind pain feeling, where very little else exists except the hurt and a small wish to not trouble anyone else.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure no one else thought you were difficult. They probably wished they could do right by you.
I remember when I went to the hospital to have my first baby and hearing the woman in the room next door screaming. I was clearly terrified, but the nurses smiled and said: "Everyone deals with pain differently." Remember: This is coming from the woman who has had three kids naturally, but passes out at the dermatologists office...
I hate that you had to have such pain - it sounds terrifying and horrible. I am sure any trouble you gave them showed them just how serious the pain was. No one is thinking of you as the loony, I bet! I hope they figure it out soon so they can move forward.
Hugs and love, my friend!!
Actually, I do sometimes think you are loony...but it has more to do with your commitment to exercise...
Oh you poor thing. I am so sorry that you were in so much pain today. I am sure they were more worried about you and felt badly that it was hurting you so much. Thinking of you and hoping the site heals quickly and the next step will go a little easier. Sending you hugs.
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