The good news: My internal radiation treatments are done.
The less-than-stellar news: My last one did not go off without a hitch on Wednesday. When the device was removed, I received a deep cut which required stitches (think episiotomy) and lost enough blood that I required transfusions for blood and platelets.
The good news: Thank goodness this happened on my last one, otherwise I don't know what would have been done.
The less-than-stellar news: I was hoping for a couple of weeks of recovery before my scan on 9/11. I guess I still get that, but this version is much more painful and my energy level is ridiculously low.
Here is the thing: during this whole internal radiation process I have felt like an idiot. I am the patient who cannot handle the device. I am the patient where things never go the same way twice. I am the patient who needs surgery and transfusions after something that should cause a little spotting. It just feels like too much. I just want some small thing during this process to be normal. To be so ordinary it doesn't require my husband to change his work schedule and my mom to discuss blood levels with my nurses and my children not to wonder where I have gone and why when I return I can't play with them or pick them up or have them sit in my lap.
3 comments:
So glad the radiation is over with. What a challenge for you. Good thing you are a fighter. Keep the faith. damn, robot thing again.....try again! ok, fourth try...think I need to see Dr. walton?
I am so happy for you that this part is over. I HOPE that you will have a quick recovery, although it sounds as if you need to take things slow at the moment. Everytime I have read anything about this last round of treatment the one word that has come to my mind is Outlier. I think it is because the process has not been "typical" for you. Although the process thus far seems to not be "typical". Which stinks, because I hate to think of you in pain, but also makes me BELIEVE more and more that you define the word OUTLIER.
This is the part you have been dreading most, I think....this stupid disease/treatments taking away your "normal." I hate that it did. However, I hold on to hope that now that this wretched, Satan-designed internal radiation is done, you will rest and heal and your "normal" will come back a bit at a time.
I agree with Angela....you ARE the Outlier. :)
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