Today marks three weeks from my last radiation treatment. The past five days or so I have felt a marked upswing in my energy level. It is not at 100% yet, but I am also not taking to my bed each afternoon for an hour or more. I also have noted that mentally I am feeling better. I knew that the challenge of the internal radiation treatments was wearing me down, I just don't think I realized quite how down I had become.
Monday I was feeling pretty zippy, so I put on my sneakers and went out for an hour. That felt okay so I decided to go to swim practice for the first time since July. The first 200 yards felt pretty sluggish, but then I started to feel better. Until there was a set of swimming 100 yards (for my non-swimming friends, that is up-back-up-back) and then getting out for push ups. And repeat. That did me in. I hopped out of the pool after half the practice, but was glad to have done a little distance.
During the day I am feeling more like I am getting back into the swing of things with the kids. Case in point: on Tuesday I was working on making lunch for all three kids. My mom was over and had gone up to get Crosby from his nap. While she getting him, I assembled the majority of all three lunches. When she came into the kitchen she went to start all three lunches, not even thinking that I would have done it since I have been zombie-woman of late. We had a pretty good laugh when we realized it was impressive I could make a grilled cheese sandwich. It is little stuff, like making lunches, that is nice to get back into again.
Last Saturday evening some of our dear friends stopped over to introduce us to their two month old son. As we sat and chatted there were several instances where I referenced "the twins" and it felt like a natural part of conversation. No tears (though now I am teary), simply sharing newborn stories with our friends. I can also make it through the little girls' clothing department without a near breakdown. I consider these small signs of healing. Though we are also in the fall, with what would have been her first birthday and what will be the first hell-aversary right around the corner. I feel although I have made these tiny steps of healing, I may take a huge step back.
2 comments:
It's important to recognize the small victories and give yourself credit for them. I'm glad you are doing so. Baby steps are often the only way to move forward.
Lately I have been thinking a lot of this time last year...what an unbelievable difference a year can make...it often brings me to tears. But last week I saw twins at the store, and I did not cry for the first time....so I'll be proud of my baby step, too.
XOXO Pookie.
We will be here for you, when you need us, when you dont, when you least expect it, for your steps forward, for your steps back... we wont leave you, we will be here for you...
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