Some things Kelly and I need to do are very practical: putting all of the bills in his name, listing my usernames and passwords, explaining the filing system to him that doesn't even really make sense to me. But then there are the more emotional things, and those are the ones I tend to put off for the longest time.
We recently hired a part-time child care provider. I can't even describe how difficult it was for me to make the phone call to do that because I feel like I am giving up the most precious thing-time with my children. The logical part of my brain tells me that having her here will be a good thing. She will be here when I am most tired, and she will have time to get to know everyone and our routines. The emotional part of my brain disagrees. I am not ready to accept non-family help with the boys. Then I realize having her here will help me enjoy more time with each child since I will be able to have more one-on-one time with each of them. And having her here will help me from being so tired, so my time with the boys will be improved in that sense as well.
I think the thing that makes me 'okay' with this is that the woman we hired, Jamie, had the option of another job. We were very direct with her...this job, working for us, will have a lot of difficult days. And she chose us. Clearly she is made of tough stuff, and we will all need that.
6 comments:
There are no words for the heartache I felt when reading this, and your heartache is exponentially greater than that, I know.
In addition to being made of tough stuff, Jamie also seems to know that your family needs her the most, and that her work will mean a better quality of life for you and your family. To that end, she is willing to accept the heartache that she'll surely endure as she grows to love your family. I like her already.
That being said, my ultimate hope is that you eventually prove you don't need her after all.
Sending love your way, my friend.
I can't even imagine having to choose a caregiver at this time. But I think you are right, that it will ultimately result in quality time with your children. I second the previous comment that I hope it ends up that you beat the odds and don't end up needing to lean on Jamie too much. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
I realize this is not a real parallel, but I felt the same way with daycare. "I gave birth to these kids and now I'm pawning them off on someone else?" But I'm a better mommy for it. The small amount of respite provided by childcare allows you to rest, collect your thoughts, hell...shower! It affords you that extra patience to not sell one to the gypsies when they microwave a thermometer...
That Beth is a smart one - I second her completely.
And I really hope Ky doesn't ever try the thermometer thing (bless you, Meg!!!).
XOXOXO
Love ya Kelli Girl!
Meghan - with an h - you crack me up every time!
Brings tears to my eyes... she is so blessed to have this opportunity to spend this time with you and your family. You guys are Definately made of the tough stuff, so if you think she is made of the tough stuff, she seems like a perfect fit.
Post a Comment