Friday, February 24, 2012
I look good!
Here is the thing ~ I don't look sick. In fact, I look pretty good. I was trying to upload a photo to show you, but my husband's iPad is too complex for me. Because I look so good, it is hard for others ~ and me ~ to accept how aggressive my cancer is. I was just swimming and my times were pretty close to my best times. I pick up and carry the kids all the time. I am going, most of the time. How can I be so sick?
The reality is starting to reveal itself to me in unseen ways. I do tire easily. I have some constant pain, which I dull with Motrin. My appetite has decreased and my digestive system is nutty-I think my stomach may actually be twisted. Okay, maybe not.
On Tuesday I start chemotherapy. 4 hours of poison dripping into my veins. Then more Wednesday, and Thursday, and a shot for luck on Friday. I know that will cause rapid physical changes. I am dreading that. Because now, for some moments, I forget. I fear the drastic physical changes will change that.
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6 comments:
Agreed. You do look good. You look wonderful, actually. It really does make it harder to accept and understand....deceptive, like the cancer. Damn cancer.
Love you.
It is confounding. You do look good. It makes it so hard to plan for aggressive treatment when you just don't seem that sick. When Emily was in heart failure, she looked ok, and could run up a flight of stairs. It was mind-numbing that they wanted to put her on a transplant list. So hard to accept.
You look awesome. My mom and I were just having this same conversation the other night on the phone, about how you look great and completely healthy. No matter what the treatment does to your appearance you will always be beautiful. neither cancer nor chemo can take away your true beauty that radiates to everyone who has ever met you!!
On Tuesday, do not think of the chemotherapy as a poison to your system, but with every drip, think of it as an army invading and destroying the cancer cells. When you lose your hair, it is the chemotherapy working....a sign of hope and not dispair. Claim the 91st psalm and ask God to send his angels to surround you and keep you safe by destroying the cancer cells.
Before I became a lawyer, I was a nurse for 24 years and saw miracles. I practice medical malpractice law, and have also seen miracles in clients which doctors could not explain. I guess, I always see the cup as half full and not empty. Perhaps some may think me naive, however, I have seen these unexplained cures...or as they say in medicine, remissions. As I told you in my last message, I have a cousin who has been cancer free for 19 years after having stage 4 ovarian cancer-- she had tumors which had invaded her diaphragm and liver; my daughter Jeanine's friend had stage 4 cervical cancer in 1999 and to this day has been cancer free. She went through chemotherapy, removal of her cervix and radiations seeds.
I know that it is a very frightening thing which you are going through and there is not a minute where I can't stop thinking about you...but please hold on to your hope, let the love that surrounds you give you strength,and know that there are many prayers from your family and friends that are ringing up to the heavens for your recovery. May God bless you on the upcoming week. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Lastly, anytime you need meals for your family next week, I am here. Just let me know what you want me to prepare.
Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
Good? I think awesome is a better description of how you look! The pic you posted of you and Ky today... You couldn't look more radiant! As the next week unfolds, and the changes start to happen, your spirit, your strength, and you will be as beautiful as ever - we ALL think so. Love you.
So keep looking good! BTW - my Mom read that papaya helps with the effects of Chemo - She found every papaya she could - in all forms - she was convinced it helped. Faith and every little nutty edge you can leverage!
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