[Note: I wrote this entry about 10 days ago, when I knew I had cancer, but didn't know it was stage 4B. I reread it today, and wouldn't change a word.]
In The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, she often references the amount of time her husband had left to live as she recounts the days and hours before his death. "25 hours until he died...would he have...?"
Reading this made me think about if I knew Cora was going to die, how would I have acted? But, of course, I had no idea she was going to die, and as a result of that, the first time her heart stopped beating was when she was in my arms. I was avoiding doing the dishes, so I could hold her a little longer since she was sleeping so peacefully on my shoulder. Because I didn't know what was about to happen, she didn't sense any sadness, fear, despair, or desperation. I hope that she felt safe, loved, and content.
2 comments:
Cora knew more love in her brief life than many people are ever blessed enough to know. She left this world as she came into it...safe, beloved, and adored.
She could have felt no other way, for she was in her mother's arms.
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