Reality

Today Kelly and I met with my oncologist, Dr. Stoutenburg. That is a long name to type. How about we call him Dr. S?

Dr. S. happens to be awesome. A great addition to Team SMAC. He spent a long time with us, and then after he met with us, spent a long time talking with my doctor up at Dartmouth. I will start chemo next week. Because I am young, they are going for a very toxic chemo combination. Even with how toxic this combination is, it will really "only" be palliative.

Cold, Hard, Reality: Patients where I am now have an average life expectancy of about 9.5 months.

I can hear some of you already...fight, fight, fight - you can do this, you can beat the odds. And believe me, I am going to try with everything I have. But, I also am accepting of reality. I have several months left. I want them to be as great as possible. I am not going to chase chemo until it destroys me. I am not going to spend hours on wishful thinking therapies. I am not going to deny what is going on inside me. I AM going to spend hours with my children, my husband, my family, and my friends. I AM going to savor everything I can for as long as I can.  Kelly and I will make plans for the children and for him, we will do our best to prepare Rory and Kyan for losing me, and I will have time to write them letters, make photo books, and perhaps even a video for all the boys to have when they are older.

I do have a favor to ask of you all. I would like the kids to know as much about me as possible/as they want to know. I want to collect a book of stories for them ~ stories about me from others. So, when you have time, I would love for you to write down something about you and me ~ it can be as long or short as you like, funny or serious, it is your call. You can send it to me via email (suzanne.murphy@gmail.com) or Kelly (kjmurphy711@gmail.com), or you can mail it to us (48 Farr Lane; Queensbury, NY 12804).

Oh, and I know you all want to know...yes, I will be losing my hair. I am thinking bandanna, not wig.