Not Helpful

"When the unexpected and inconceivable intrudes on life, and it will, deal with life's actual events--don't obsess about perceived eventualities. Relax--enjoy the ride."  - Michael J. Fox

Oh, Michael. It is so easy to say that. The execution is another story.

Yesterday I was walking Rory and Ky to their preschool classes and Ky started to walk into the Pre-K room and I said, "Not for another couple of years." Then I almost lost it in the hallway because I realized I may not be the one who walks him to that classroom. I told myself "Not a helpful thought," and succeeded in walking the boys to their actual classes and not letting the negative thoughts stay.

Today I had my PET scan. Which meant from 8AM until about 4PM I had no routine, no kids to distract me. I said "Not helpful," over and over, but it didn't help. It was a hard day. A day where those thoughts that I don't want to have dominated by mind. A day where my smile did not come easily. A day where I held my boys as tight as possible when I was able to come back home and told them I loved them over and over, because if they remember nothing else, I pray they remember that.