The Wall Street Journal had an article recently about advice to graduates that graduation speakers never give. In the midst of an explanation for one of the morsels of advice the writer had a comment about shirking. He noted that in life, we often think of ourselves as shirking on work, but rarely do we think about what we give up in order to work more as shirking on friendships.
That really resonated with me. I know I used to do this, and sometimes still do this, too often. I have been fortunate to have jobs that I enjoy, but I also know that sometimes my work would overtake my personal life and that stress made me not enjoy my work and not enjoy my personal life. For a time, shortly after Kelly and I moved back to this area, I was working a full-time job, a part-time job, freelancing, and taking two college classes. That lasted for about 6 weeks and then my head exploded. Maybe not an actual explosion, but it felt like it. However, I found even once I went to only freelancing, I still felt the need to be "plugged in" to email (and work) in the evenings and on weekends because I was working for myself and felt I had to put in the hours to make myself successful.
Shirking is a word so often associated with responsibility. If you shirk on something, then you are not responsible. But how do we find that balance in today's busy, busy world where we can feel like we are not shirking on anything?
3 comments:
Awesome post Suzanne. Maybe we don't think of letting work get in the way of friendships as shirking just because of the nature of friendships. Perhaps we think that our true friends, the ones that we have spent time developing the relationships with and have familiarity with, will understand why sometimes work 'gets in the way'. But when it comes to our boss or our co-worker we feel differently about the obligation in the work relationship. Somehow we can seem to think that the contractual obligation we have to work requires more of us, but I think those who get it right understand your point well... the focus should not be the contractual obligation so much as the reciprocity that a lasting relationship requires. With balance in life comes the ability to understand what we really do owe each other. One of your greatest talents is that recognition of the value of reciprocity, I see it all the time in what you post. I wish I had a good answer to your question... perhaps the best advice is to not let any one part of ourselves (the employee, the friend, the parent, the spouse) dominate the others. But then there are always days where a clear priority is set out that we cannot ignore. I think that is perhaps one of the reasons friends and family are so important, they can help guide and encourage us along the way and perhaps suggest to us areas where we should not shirk - hence your one yes to Kelly's three no's about the 40th B-Day Party. Love, Andrew
I wish I remember who my college speaker was. He said something like, "People will need you. Causes will need you. And you'll think if you don't give it your all, you don't CARE. But if you give everything your all, you'll miss out on your own life. So you might want to say, 'I CARE, but . . . not that much.'"
Which is something I truly remind myself of when the PTA, the garden, the novel, all those things I should be doing get in the way of what I feel like doing.
Well said, my friend (and Andrew and Frieda)!
I think the fact that we feel as if we shirk on friendships (if we recognize that) makes us better friends and people. It forces us to make time for our friendships, to keep in touch, and the time that we do spend with friends more meaningful. Sometimes we just need a reminder that our jobs will not take care of us when we are ill or old...and thus better spend our energies.
So funny - as I am typing this, the song on my iPod sang this line: "They say it's never too late, but you don't get any younger..."
Sums it up nicely!
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