My minister gave me a book called The Cancer Conqueror when I was first diagnosed. I must admit to slogging through it in large part due to the writing style. But, I keep picking it back up because nestled in this oddly written book are some real gems that are worth finding.
One of them is the difference between approval, which requires judgement, and acceptance, which does not. Until a few years ago, I was very quick to judge. There was my way of what was acceptable, appropriate, and good-which I considered pretty open. But, if something did not fit-I was quick to let it be known I did not approve. My judgements were out there for myself, and for those around me, to hear.
Perhaps it was parenthood, or maturity, but I have found that acceptance makes life much more enjoyable. But, let me be clear, when I say "acceptance" I refer to accepting of those things that are morally and legally appropriate. I am not advocating coasting through life, but rather accepting those things that are worth letting go ~ the bottle of bubbles poured all over the floor right before company arrives, the person who goes 30 when the speed limit is 35 and I am running late, the older gentleman drowning out the choir with his own off-tune version of the Hallelujah chorus, the missing socks from the laundry (though, really, where do they go?), the co-worker who seems to text all day, a relationship that has naturally grown apart over time.
I think when we feel the need to approve, rather than to accept, that it limits us and those around us who are caught in the "approval cycle" (I know I used to readily involve myself in the circle of approval...judgement by the masses...) Approval and judgement limit us because they waste our precious energy on trivial matters. My main side effect from chemotherapy is fatigue. My energy is so valuable to me now that I find myself planning how to use it. I suppose that sounds odd ~ I know before I had cancer if I needed more energy, I would just dig deeper, but right now that is not an option like it was before. So, I plan. And part of that plan is not to waste a drop on approval.
2 comments:
I'm a very practiced and accomplished judger. In fact, I was doing it just this morning before I read this post. Thanks for the reminder that I need to knock it off - for my own benenfit.
I struggle with this, too...though mostly with the judgment of myself by others. I work hard daily to overcome this. Thanks for the reminder that life's not worth wasting on those who would judge rather than accept.
XOXOXO
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