Each night Kelly and I would take a twin to wake up with. The night before Cora stopped breathing, she was "my" twin for the night. I was such a bitch about it at first. I felt like I just fell asleep when she would wake up. But then at her 4 AM feeding, something changed. I remember just relaxing with her for a little while and enjoying holding her. She was WIDE awake and I was just talking to her...foolish little songs and things you say to babies. I don't really know how long I sat with her or if she fell asleep in my arms (I think she did...I hope she did), but I savored those moments holding her with her eyes wide open looking around. Suddenly it wasn't so bad that she didn't fall right to sleep.
That night, I took the photo above. I had no idea it would be the last picture I ever took of my baby girl.
4 comments:
The moment I saw that photo, and read your caption of "Cora, wide awake..." it became one of my fave photos of all time. It would have always been so, even if it weren't the last.
I remember thinking how wonderful that you could find joy even in (bad word) being woken up at (bad word) in the morning.
This skill, finding happiness when you are irked, is hard for me. Nowadays sometimes when I am the most (bad word) angry at whatever Rose's PERSONALITY throws at me, I remember to be grateful to her, and for her, and I do owe that partly to this photo.
A million hugs.
Beautiful baby girl... xoxo
So weird that you wrote this...the little guy staying with us woke up screaming last night (he has been sleeping through the night). I was SO annoyed/ticked off...I am exhausted! If I held him, he would go to sleep. Put him down, screaming. At some point, though, I remember thinking how sweet it was, that little hand wrapped around the collar of my shirt... how he probably just needed some reassurance and comfort after the giant upheaval in his life...and I snuggled him and sang lullabies and told him all sorts of good things.
Then I see your post...finding joy in those moments is a specialty of yours.....sweet Cora sure had a lot of joy in her life.
Love you. XOXO
While you go through Chemotherapy, Cora is gently holding you in her arms. She is your angel and her love will help you battle the cancer. Cora is love.
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