I think, on occasion, most people think: "What would I do if I knew I was going to die?" I always thought I'd rent a Winnebago, hop in with Kelly and the kids and go.
Turns out that I have absolutely no interest in doing that. I have said it before, I just want to keep on living my wonderful life. Wonderful life, you ask, how can that be with the devastation upon devastation that has reached our family? Life carries on ~ especially when surrounded by three very, very busy (and boisterous) little boys! I know that this blog is often an outlet for some difficult thoughts, but that is one of its many purposes - an outlet for me. If I had to give percentages, I would say that I spend 95% of each day quite content, and a mere 5% quite sad, frustrated, or angry. Given the circumstances, I'd say that is pretty good.
Anyhow, where I am going with this...
Think about your life. Think about what you would change if you knew you only had a short time left. And no cheating ~ no "wishful" fixes. Real things. Now, think about what you would keep exactly the same. Savor those thoughts for a moment (or ten...).
Now, for those things you want to change ~ big or small. Change them. Ask that girl to marry you (ahem...you know who you are!); build or rebuild those relationships you want to be stronger, let go of the ones you don't; focus on the parts of your job you like if you are in a job you don't like and also work to find something different; stop comparing yourself to others. Well, except in one way...if I can be content 95% of the day given what I have been through and am going through, I hope that you can to.
[Quick aside: Chemo day 1 went well ~ was at the cancer center a total of 5 hours. I have felt good all day, even did a full swim practice tonight (yippee for legal steroids), and am about to go to bed only because it is 10:15 and I should go to bed. Otherwise tomorrow will be very, very long! Thanks to everyone who checked in on me today.]
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
8 comments:
It seems like ever since you told me about your diagnosis I've thought about my life every single day. thank you for another insightful post. you ever have that feeling or feelings in your heart, spirit, soul that you just don't even think words have even been created or invented yet to express? that's how I feel everytime I read your blog.
glad chemo went well today!!
You are 100% right, Suzanne. We should all live as if tomorrow is uncertain - because it is - for all of us. Regret is a burden no one should have to endure, and it is totally preventable.
So glad to hear your spirits are high, and so that the craziness that surrounds you is actually a source of peace ;-)
I defer to Beth - she said it perfectly (as usual!).
So happy the battle is finally underway!
You really are AMAZING!!!!!!
Thanks for this post Suzanne. We all should live our lives the way we want. I try to enjoy what I have and I know that if I only had a little while left I wouldn't radically change anything. I hope to help you enjoy your time as well.
No Oprah going on here...just life, your life, thoughts on life. You are right also. One tends to go back to old ways so matter the intention but I am going to try just a bit harder now thanks to you. I have changed since Al's passing.I tend to procratinate and before thought that was wrong but guess what..happy with it...so be it...enjoy the day my friend. now that robot thing..second try
You are so right Suzannne. Life is too short. I think I speak for all of us who read your blogs..Its just amazing at how, at a time when you are suffering through this horrible ordeal, you are comforting those of us who can only imagine your pain..
Sending many prayers and hugs your way..keep up the fight girl!!!
Suzanne Ely, (I will always think of you as "Ely" just because that's how our 1st year seminar attendance list read - do you remember? "Ely, Erway, Fairlee, Pearce". I'm not sure why I remember Professor Crouthamel reading it just that way but I do.), anyhoo, the point is that I'm sure I could never have predicted then that I would learn more from you - a fellow student in my very first college class, than I learned in 10 weeks of that class with a learned professor. I'm inspired by your story and wish you only the best in this journey you're on; I wish it was a different one. Peace.
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