Another radioactive test today (and tomorrow, and Thursday). I find it hugely ironic cancer patients get radioactive tests. I mean, I understand it is low-dose and all, but still. You should see the safety precautions the woman used who injected me with the radioactive isotope today. I am amazed I am not glowing based on those precautions alone.
I call it the milkshake test because my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
Oh wait, no...that is a bad Kelis song.
During this three day test, the list of foods is: juice, water, broth, soda, Jello, and milkshakes.
Random, no?
The foods I can eat includes all "smooth foods that have no chunks," so I guess the list is more appetizing than reading that description.
Anyhow...working on a point here.
The milkshake test, and other tests like it are bad for me. Not because of the radioactive nature of them, but because of the isolation. I have to be alone for several hours during them. Today I had 4 hours between injection and the first scan, during which it was recommended I not be near the kids. Then I was in the scanning room for 2 hours for 3 different scans. That is a whole lot of time with me and my wandering mind.
The "automatic" nature of the daily routine is a beautiful thing. It helps pull one from the depths of grief into the throws of everyday life, even if just for brief moments. When that daily routine involves three fun-loving children, those brief moments become longer and longer. Today I had 6 hours without a routine. Without a child who needed me for something. Without a playroom to tidy up or a kitchen to cook in. Six hours to think about everything I don't really want to think about, even though I need to think about all of it. Six hours to think about what I want my kids to know about me, from me (in some medium). Six hours to figure out how to deal with the (im)possible tasks before me.
3 comments:
Suzanne - the mind can be a horrible thing. You realize what your best medicine is and I suggest you overdose on those boys of yours! Hopefully the alone time will be limited!!! Always praying for you!!
Love you! Xoxo
Oh, Pookie. I do mean it - I will spend those radioactive times with you. I knew that my lack of thyroid would come in handy someday! If I could, I'd do the scans with you, too.
Let's make another list for you to think about...a fun one...movies you want to see (to watch during treatment), books you'd like to read (we'll keep you busy during treatment!)....hopefully those will keep the wandering mind time to a minimum. Hugging you, radioactivity and all! XOXOXOXO
The bad news is, it sucks that you have to be alone for all that time while your mind forces you to think about things you should never have to. The good news is, you have permission to have all the milkshakes you want, and Shamrock Shakes are in season! Please let me know if you need me to take one for the team and have one for you!!!
All the best today, Suzanney. Love you!
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