I sometimes find myself wondering with the "what would it be like" thoughts. What would it be like if Cora was still with is? Would she and Crosby be reaching their milestones together? Would Rory and Kyan give her sweet kisses and try to hold her hand in the same way they do Crosby's?
Now, as I try to imagine my family's future, both in the short term and long term, I can't help but think about Cora. I think of the present we almost had with her and the future I dreamed of with her. But, I need to learn to live in my present and in the future with the family I am in. The family with three energetic, vivacious, and loud (very loud!) little boys, one cancer-laden mom, and one dad with more on his shoulders than most could imagine.
Some days I struggle to embrace this life, my life, as it is. While I can think about what life would have been like with Cora with us, I cannot lose sight of my life without her. While I can think about what life will be like when I am gone, I cannot lose sight of the life I have left to live.
3 comments:
Well said, my friend. Love to all of you.
What Beth said. XOXO
After leaving the house the other night,as we pulled out of the driveway, Kate asks me, "Why are they so happy?" I say to Kate I'm not quite sure what you mean by that, what are you trying to ask me? She says again, "Why are they so happy?" I ask her again what she's asking me. She say's, "How can they be so happy when one of their children went to heaven?" So here with a heavy heart I explain to her that when you lose someone that you love so, so much and they are taken away from you, as sad as you are, as much as you want to stay in the dark curled in a ball, not understanding how things like these can happen, you come to a point where you think about how you must live for the ones left behind. How you have to pick yourself up and find joy in the ones that are left behind with you. As hard as it is, as unfair as it is, you must go on living. It was a tough question that I didn't expect to have to answer to a little girl, who only knows about the loss of your sweet baby Cora. But in her seven year old innocent eyes, you are a Happy, Loving family, that hasn't lost sight of the life you have left to live.
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