The other night, around midnight, Kyan woke up. Kelly went to check on him as I remained fast asleep. In the morning Kelly told me Ky kept saying "See Mommy, See Mommy." To settle him, Kelly brought him in to see me (sleeping) and then put him back to bed.
A few nights later I was watching a movie with Rory and he started to doze off. I turned off the light and started to sing him his nighttime song. Since there was no nightlight, the room was very dark. Rory snuggled in close and whispered that he was scared and he couldn't see me because it was dark. I told him it was okay to be scared, but I was right there and held his hand.
I worry so much about how the little boys will cope if I die. They have the best daddy who will do everything in his power to help them, and four wonderful grandparents they adore and who adore them. But it is not the same as having me there...they will not be able to see me or feel me for comfort. I will not be a tangible part of their daily lives, and I am sad that they will not have their mommy there to hold them, cheer them on, comfort them, and celebrate with them as they grow.
4 comments:
Suzanne- I pray that you will be with them for a very long time! When Angelo became sick Anthony had just turned 5 and Anna was 2. They became quite clingy to the both of us and dropping at school became difficult. Every day, during a random time, I'd ask them both to close their eyes and look into their heart. I would ask who they could see and they would list off our names. I would remind them that whenever they were scared they could always close their eyes and Angelo and I would always be there, no matter what. I continue to use it for them, and I use it for myself too. Maybe this is a trick you could use, not just because you are sick, but to also soothe them and teach them that you will always be there with them, right in their heart - never to leave.
(I see you in mine and I'm in yours too :))
Love to you!
XOXO
This keeps me up at night, too, my friend. I have no words to comfort you, but please remember "The Invisible String"....though you may not be seen, you can always be felt in their hearts; the connection can never, ever, ever be broken.
I cannot type any more through my tears....you and then Courtney (so lovely, Court!). Love you both so much!
I always have taken Kate and showed her the moon. I have always said that no matter what, if she is not with me I will be looking at the same moon, and in that we can be together. I know it is not the same, my heart is sad to think you even have to imagine this... I will continue to believe in you and in the power of prayer... and I will continue to look at the moon and kiss her pillow every time Kate spends the night at Grandmas.
My heart aches for you to have to think about such things. I do know however how strong and amazing children can be when faced with the loss of a parent. While I hope yours never have to experience it, I do know kids have an amazing strenghth. Mabel and Luc never forget about their dad, he shines through in them every day, in what they say and do. He lives on in them and always will. You shine through in your kids now and always will. I hope you will be able to see it for many, many years to come.
Much love to you!!!!
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